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Pickup Artist Tips from 1989

Help with your love life with some comical magic from the late 80's

07·16·2013

Two books published in 1989 went viral on the Chinese web recently, one is 怎样征服美丽少女 (How to Conquer Beautiful Girls) and the other 如何征服英俊少男 (How to Conquer Handsome Boys). The two books provide tips for picking up, including sample sentences, some of which you can read below. Granted, the lines are written in late 80’s China, so some of them are cheesy, and some of them will definitely make you laugh. Who knows, maybe they still work.

pick up guys

How to Conquer Handsome Boys

The description for this book goes “Here are 43 moving stories, here are 43 rules of success, handsome boys are waving at you”. The chapter titles are equally straight forward, such as “Boys don’t mind when girls take the initiative”, “A not-so beautiful girl can get a handsome boy”, “He might be your prince charming”, “Is he married”, and “Don’t overlook male product stores”.

The author provides 50 chat-up lines for the readers, here are 10 of them:

1. 你的肩膀好宽呀!Nǐ de jiānbǎng hǎo kuān ya!

(他听到你这样称赞肯定很高兴。Tā tīng dào nǐ zhèyàng chēngzàn kěndìng hěn gāoxìng.)

Your shoulders are so broad!

(He will be really glad to hear this praise from you.)

2. 我很欣赏你。Wǒ hěn xīnshǎng nǐ.

(欣赏就是表示好感,他会领会到这一点的。Xīnshǎng jiùshì biǎoshì hǎogǎn, tā huì lǐnghuì dào zhè yīdiǎn de.)

I appreciate you a lot.

(Appreciate means good looking; he will get the point.)

3. 你觉得吸烟怎么样?Nǐ juéde xīyān zěnme yàng?

(你可以这样问一个正在吸烟的男孩子,并谈一谈自己对吸烟的看法。Nǐ kěyǐ zhèyàng wèn yīgè zhèngzài xīyān de nánháizi, bìng tán yì tán zìjǐ duì xīyān de kànfǎ.)

What do you think about smoking?

(You can ask this question to of a man who is smoking, and you can talk about what you think of smoking.)

4. 这音乐真动人!Zhè yīnyuè zhēn dòngrén!

(在电梯中只有你们两个人,正好传来一段熟悉的流行音乐,同时向他露出你的微笑。Zài diàntī zhōng zhǐyǒu nǐmen liǎng gè rén, zhènghǎo chuán lái yīduàn shúxī de liúxíng yīnyuè, tóngshí xiàng tā lùchū nǐ de wéixiào.)

This music is so moving!

(You two are the only ones in the elevator, then you hear a familiar pop music tune. At the same time, show him your smile.)

5. 你的星座是不是白羊座呢?Nǐ de xīngzuò shì búshì báiyángzuò ne?

(是不是白羊座一点都不重要,重要的是引起他的谈话。Shì búshì báiyángzuò yīdiǎn dōu bù chóng yào, zhòngyào de shì yǐnqǐ tā de tánhuà.)

Is your zodiac sign Aries?

(Whether or not it is Aries is not important at all. The important thing is to get him talking.)

6. 真糟糕,劳驾你帮我看一看我的眼睛里是不是有沙子,眼睛好难受。Zhēn zāogāo, láojià nǐ bāng wǒ kàn yī kàn wǒ de yǎnjīng lǐ shì bùshì yǒu shāzi, yǎnjīng hǎo nánshòu.

(你要装出眼睛不舒服的样子,如果他答应帮你看眼睛,你就有了一半的成功。Nǐ yào zhuāng chū yǎnjīng bú shūfú de yàngzi, rúguǒ tā dāyìng bāng nǐ kàn yǎnjīng, nǐ jiù yǒule yībàn de chénggōng.)

This is terrible. Would you please check for me and see if there’s sand in my eyes? My eyes hurt.

(You have to pretend that your eyes are feeling uncomfortable. If he agrees to check your eyes for you, you are halfway to success.)

7. 你好!

(非常简单而又能表示好意的问候语。Fēicháng jiǎndān ér yòu néng biǎoshì hǎoyì de wènhòu yǔ.)

Nihao!

(A greeting that is both simple and shows friendliness.)

8. 你说你的名字是叫某某吗?Nǐ shuō nǐ de míngzì shì jiào mǒu mǒu ma?

(说一个你喜欢的名字,当然是错的,可是由于这种错误,他会明白你对他有好感。Shuō yīgè nǐ xǐhuan de míngzì, dāngrán shì cuò de, kěshì yóuyú zhè zhǒng cuòwù, tā huì míngbái nǐ duì tā yǒu hǎogǎn.)

Did you say your name is blah blah?

(Say a name that you like. Of course it will be wrong, but because of this mistake, he will realize that you like him.)

9. 请问这附近有没有邮局?Qǐng wèn zhè fùjìn yǒuméiyǒu yóujú?

(你应该知道邮局在哪儿,你看见他也正朝邮局方向走,就这样问他,这样俩人有机会走在一起。如果他发现你的装的,你就可以明白告诉他:“因为你的吸引力,才使我想这样和你接近。”相信他听后会更高兴。Nǐ yīnggāi zhīdào yóujú zài nǎ’er, nǐ kànjiàn tā yě zhèng cháo yóujú fāngxiàng zǒu, jiù zhèyàng wèn tā, zhèyàng liǎ rén yǒu jīhuì zǒu zài yīqǐ. Rúguǒ tā fāxiàn nǐ de zhuāng de, nǐ jiù kěyǐ míngbái gàosu tā:“Yīnwèi nǐ de xīyǐn lì, cái shǐ wǒ xiǎng zhèyàng hé nǐ jiējìn.” Xiāngxìn tā tīng hòu huì gèng gāoxìng)

Excuse me, is there a post office nearby?

(You already know where the post office is. You see that he is walking in the direction of the post office, and then you ask him. This way the two of you can walk together. If he finds out that you are faking it, you can tell him directly: “Because of your attractiveness, I wanted to get close to you.” Believe he will be happier when he hears this.)

10. 这100元是不是你掉的?Zhè 100 yuán shì bùshì nǐ diào de?

(这是个陈旧的方法,但总是起作用。Zhè shìgè chénjiù de fāngfǎ, dàn zǒngshì qǐ zuòyòng.)

Did you drop this 100 bill?

(This is an old method, but it always works.)

 

pick up girls

 

How to Conquer Beautiful Girls

Written by the same author, this book teaches guys how to approach, understand, and talk to girls. The Shanghaiist translated 5 of the pickup lines:

1. 请问您有没有阿斯匹林?Qǐngwèn nín yǒu méiyǒu ā sī pī lín?

(记住要装出很痛苦的表情,才能引起她的同情心。女孩子由于生理方面的需要,所以身上经常带着这种药。Jìzhù yào zhuāng chū hěn tòngkǔ de biǎoqíng, cáinéng yǐnqǐ tā de tóngqíng xīn. Nǚ háizi yóuyú shēnglǐ fāngmiàn de xūyào, suǒyǐ shēnshang jīngcháng dàizhe zhè zhǒng yào.)

“Do you have aspirin? 

Remember to make out as if you are in pain, only then will you garner sympathy from her. Women often carry this kind of medicine on them, due to their natural biological needs.”

2. 我们大概被欺骗了!Wǒmen dàgài bèi qīpiànle!

(发现她等了半天,却不见朋友前来赴约时,不妨以同病相怜的样子接近她。Fāxiàn tā děngle bàntiān, què bùjiàn péngyǒu qián lái fùyuē shí, bùfáng yǐ tóngbìngxiānglián de yàngzi jiējìn tā.)

“We have both been fooled!

If the girl has been stood up or if her friends are late to meet her, why not try acting as if you have been struck by the same fate?”

3. 你好!

(虽然不是很高明的方式,但也许对方会欣赏你的坦诚。Suīrán bùshì hěn gāomíng de fāngshì, dàn yěxǔ duìfāng huì xīnshǎng nǐ de tǎnchéng.)

“Hello! 

It may not be the most impressive line, but maybe the girl will appreciate your directness.”

4. 对不起,请麻烦您帮我看一下我的领带有没有打好?因为没时间照镜子⋯⋯ 我马上要参加一个重要会议。对不起,麻烦你了⋯⋯

Duìbùqǐ, qǐng máfan nín bāng wǒ kàn yīxià wǒ de lǐngdài yǒu méiyǒu dǎ hǎo? Yīnwèi méi shíjiān zhào jìngzi… wǒ mǎshàng yào cānjiā yīgè zhòngyào huìyì. Duìbùqǐ, máfan nǐle…

(在电梯上,别忘了装出很慌装的样子。Zài diàntī shàng, bié wàngle zhuāng chū hěn huāng zhuāng de yàngzi.)

“Excuse me, please can you help me check if my tie is correctly done? I didn’t have enough time to look in the mirror, and I have to attend a very important meeting soon. Sorry, thanks so much for your help…

In a lift. Don’t forget to look very rushed and stressed.”

*This line also appears in the other book, where the girl asks for the guy to check if her skirt is ruffled.

5. 这是一本有内容的书。Zhè shì yī běn yǒu nèiróng de shū.

(书店里 Shūdiàn lǐ)

“This book has such good content. 

(In a book store)”

* This line also appears in the previous book.

Netizens have shared some comics in the book as well, and they are indeed comical:

pickup

 

Above: I wonder if a boy will come over and chat me up!

Below: (40 years later) Have waited so long and there’s not a single guy…

pickup 2

 

1) What a sexy nose!

2) It’s like an artwork!

3) So attractive!

4) You really like that much?!

5) Alright! Then I’ll give it to you!

6) Oh my god!

 

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