*The Viral Week That Was is our weekly round-up of the previous week’s trending memes, humor, rumor, gossip, and everything else Chinese netizens are chatting about. Think of this as a nicotine patch to help ease yourself into the working week after suckling on the smokey teat of the weekend.
With the weekend out of the way, this week heralds the start of the Olympic Games in Rio—so…yay! And while we are all waiting for the much anticipated opening ceremony, this edition of Viral Week brings you noodle gangs, fake monks, The Grudge meets fecal matter, and Matt Damon. But first…
Citizens of Shenzhen, be warned. Next time you stumble out of a club in Bao’an District tipsy and filled to the brim with violent impulses, these guys might come deal with you.
That’s right, the law enforcement officers in the area have been equipped with the latest in baton technology. These titanium alloy batons—who are we kidding? They’re blunt swords—come fully stocked with a snazzy sheath that officers wear on their backs.
In addition to this ancient martial weapon, police officers also have space for handcuff and pepper spray inside those sheaths, making a convenient storage space but less convenient to grab at a moment’s notice.
Beef noodles are a staple for any working individual in China. It’s simple, cheap, fast, and provides just enough sustenance to help you get through the day.
A guy surnamed Xian opened one such restaurant in Shanghai in order to take advantage of such fervor over beef noodles. Unfortunately, he was met with much resistance from rival restaurants.
According to the other restaurateurs in the neighborhood, there exists an unofficial treaty, name the “Shaanxi-Gansu-Ningxia treaty”, which states that no new halal beef noodle restaurant can be opened within four hundred meters of another.
Xian had the bad luck of ticking both the beef and halal box.
My guess it that they still serve halal beef noodles.
NBA superstar Dwayne Wade and his wife, actress Gabrielle Union (Bad Boys II, Think Like A Man), were recently touring China as part of a series of promotional events held by Chinese sport’s brand Li-Ning. To push the “Way of Wade” campaign, Dwayne “Flash” Wade visited the mythical Shaolin Temples and was shown round by two of the temple’s monks.
The temple’s statements hoped to clear up any confusion and help preserve the reputation of what is widely regarded as the birthplace of kungfu.
JUST A FECAL MATTER
Mistress have a bad rep. Often when they are uncovered, they become the victims of both physical and online abuse and humiliation. However, almost all of these cases involve women—the men normally just stay to one side, patiently waiting for their wife to come home and are very rarely punished in the same ways mistresses are.
Unfortunately, a woman surnamed Yang in Dali, Yunnan Province, who has merely been suspected of cuckolding, has now been suffering harassment for over seven months.
The initial event was started by a note stuck to the front of Yang’s door, blaming her for destroying someone else’s family. She blew this off as a bad prank only to find that she would later come home to see feces smeared on her door.
Yang tried to consult the security cameras in her building but found that they were broken so she installed a sneaky camera herself to get to the bottom of this stink.
It has not been revealed whether this “spirit” is the man from before or something supernatural in nature. In any case, it’s probably time for Yang to move.
DAMON VS DEMONS
The trailer for the new Matt Damon (Good Will Hunting, Interstellar) film has been released.
No, it’s not the next installment of the Bourne franchise. This film has been made in collaboration with China and has Zhang Yimou (Hero, House of Flying Daggers) at the helm and reportedly has Matt Damon battling supernatural beasts.
The Great Wall—a film that takes its name from the Middle Kingdom’s wonder of the world—is reportedly China’s most expensive film ever (roughly 150 million USD). Unfortunately, all this has been swept under the red carpet to make way for accusations of whitewashing.
While many netizens have been complaining about the preferential treatment given to white actors and actresses, others are glad to see Chinese films and filmmakers making a bigger impact on global cinema.