Viral Week is our weekly round-up of the previous weekend’s trending memes, humor, rumor, gossip, and everything else Chinese netizens are chatting about. Think of this as a celebration for the start of the week and a salve for forgetting how the months are ticking away..

This week, we have more astonishing footage of Chinese drivers, the continued fallout from #MeToo on campus, loyal sperm, and more. But first, this:

Is pop star a predator or “pure”?

Well-known pedophile pop star Zhang Muyi’s long-standing relationship with his Chinese-Japanese child muse Akami Miki is now legal — and to celebrate, they announced they were getting married.

Zhang, 30, was first hired as Miki’s music tutor when she was just eight, but the adult singer only raised eyebrows in 2012, after gushing about his love for the then-12-year-old Miki, saying he “couldn’t wait” until she was 16 — and was “counting down” the next four birthdays. The pair, with a combined Weibo following of over 3 million, announced their forthcoming union just before the Qingming festival, and their wedding hashtag soon had over 90 million views. People had plenty to say about it, with many suggesting that the age difference, as well as Zhang’s Zvengali-like interest in Miki since she was a pre-pubescent music student, were all signs of a predatory or emotionally abusive relationship.

The post triggered equal parts condemnation and compliments

Hitting back, Miki explains how their “pure” love only blossomed when she finally hit 12: “I told him that, if he did not want me to get hurt in the future, he should just marry me. At the time we were just joking around [but] With that uncomplicated promise, I grew up with him by my side.” ’K…

Freeway fail

Last week, it was a feat of reversing genius,  in which a truck did an 88-point turn on a cliff edge, that was caught on viral video. Now, we’re back to the usual—a motorist causing absolute total chaos with their dangerously deluded driving decisions. Check out Mr “I Missed My Turning” here:

Wall vs Zombies

Set to the theme tune of Plants vs Zombies, this haunting video depicts tourists braving a snowy Great Wall over Qingming Festival— and almost certainly deserves a narration by David Attenborough, discussing the odd locomotive habits of the curious inhabitants of a distant ice planet…

PKU sperm club is members-only

While “red sperm” sounds like a dangerous medical ailment, it is apparently a requirement for new donors at the sperm bank at Peking University. An administrator at the country’s top university, clearly desperate to signal loyalty, issued a number of strange new requirements for donors: They include having “good character,” no signs of obesity or “hair loss,” and, most amusingly, “loyalty to the Party.” So, no-good, cheating, disloyal men need not apply, no matter how fertile they be—away with ye!

Former PKU professor accused of sexual assault

More embarrassing PKU news, this time a 20-year-old scandal brought to light in the New Era. In 1998, a 19-year-old top sophomore student, Gao Yan, committed suicide. Now in the wake of #MeToo, her friends, schoolmates and family are speaking out about  the alleged sexual assault and mental abuse inflicted by her former PKU Chinese department professor, Shen Yang, who was 40 when the incident occurred, and currently teaching at Nanjing University. Gao’s close friend Li Youyou wrote that Shen frequently invited Gao to his home for “academic discussions,” during which Gao was assaulted: “She told Shen that she didn’t like it and it won’t happen again, but Shen told her that he loved her, that’s why he did it.”

The original incident led Beijing police to investigate and conclude that Shen was involved in “misconduct” and had “violated teacher’s ethics” in his interactions with Gao. The department carried out disciplinary action against him, but Shen was never arrested or expelled. In an interview with the Beijing News on April 5, Shen has now denied the alleged assault.

Regardless, PKU is currently drafting anti-sexual harassment regulations, and Nanjing University has recommended that Shen resign from his current position.